Sometimes there are no words but His:
“Here I am Lord; I Come to do Your Will”
As I tried to sing these words at Mass all I could focus on was not coughing. I have had a dreadful cough for over a week that has kept both my husband and I from having a good nights sleep. To soothe my aching throat and so I didn’t interrupt the beautiful children’s choir with my ugly coughing I stoped signing and merely read the words:
“Here I am Lord; I come to do your will.”
Yes here I am Lord. In your church. With your people. I am here obediently and lovingly worshiping you. I am here because you allowed me to be and you put me into existence. As if that isn’t profound enough I am suddenly struck by the promise I am making in next line:
“…. I come to do your will”
Your will. I am telling God I come to do your will, but so often I do my own will. How do I know the difference?
When discerning His will and making decisions about what to do next we must always keep the end in mind. By this I mean our death in this world and our ultimate meeting with Jesus. When Jesus guides our choices and our actions then we are doing His will. When meeting Jesus is our goal we can’t help but try and try again to follow His commands. In doing so we are trying and trying again to do His will.
Next time I read psalm 40 (I pray that I can sing it without a fit of coughing) I will be reminded that I am promising God that not only am I here because of His grace but I am promising to do His will.
Leaves Were Falling This Morning
“Noooo,” I thought as I stood in my sunroom watching the first fall leaves glide down to the ground. It is so cliche but; Time Flies!
It is inevitable and I do love the fall it just came so fast this year. Summer was a delightfully exhausting season that now lies in the past. We made many memories that I have begun to hold even more dear as my family continues to grow older at a rate of speed that I can’t always believe.
As I watched those first leaves falling it was just another reminder that time doesn’t slow down. No matter what is going on God holds the universe in existence. I thank Him for giving us this dependable pattern of seasons. With all that is constantly changing we can always count on His unchanging love for all He created.
Let us hold life dear and find the blessings in our struggles because like the leaves, we to will come to the end of our season and, unlike the leaves, will move on to eternity.
Photo from Pixabay.com
You Are Loved!
I recall being pregnant with my second child and wondering how I could ever love another child as much as I loved my first. I didn’t think I had any space left to fit another child in my heart. It was already so full. Then she was born and suddenly my heart swelled. I had just as much love for this little one as I did for my first.
This blissful feeling is so overwhelming when a new baby is placed in your arms. It’s not difficult to imagine loving this little human and protecting it from harm. You can easily imagine putting your life at risk to keep this precious new life safe. This love and safety that is automatic towards this new little human is the closest feeling I can come up with to describe Gods’ love for each of us. Of course He doesn’t question if He has enough love for more humans, He tells us to go forth and multiply. He knows He has more than enough love for all of us. It is us, humans, who don’t always have enough room for Him.
When I think of someone who loves me I immediately picture my own mom and dad. It truly didn’t matter what I did they always loved me. I pray everyone has at least one person that comes to mind when they think about who loves them. There is something that is strengthened inside of us when we know we are loved unconditionally. This kind of love gives us courage and a feeling of security.
Sadly there are many people who don’t feel loved. They don’t feel that there is someone that will love them no matter what. We live in a dysfunctional world where love is twisted, confused, and manipulated. Even if no human person comes to mind, or if you question weather those who are supposed to love you truly do there is always God. He never takes His love away. No matter what you have done or are going through He always loves you!
He loves you in exactly the way you need. A way that we can’t even understand completely because it is so unchanging. He doesn’t love you only when you do good. He loves you always and because of this He desires your happiness. He gives us rules to bring us happiness. He knows what is best because He knows each of us so completely. He doesn’t want you to be alone, to be scared, or to feel unloved. He wants to walk with you on this journey and at the end of this existence He wants you to be with Him for eternity.
He loves each one of us so much that He has a plan for good for each one of us. Even if we choose to stray from His plan we can always choose to come back to it. He is so good that He will continuously help us find our way back to Him. He is the ultimate guide to happiness because of His true love for each of us.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son…” John 3:16 NAB
Photo: pixabay.com
Eve asked Adam, “Do you love me?”
“Who else?” He replied
The priest we have when we go to the cabin always has a funny story or joke. This weekend was no different. Our large family took up an entire pew at this little church and we tried hard not to be a spectacle, but completely failed. It seems it is inevitable that we get stares and do some entertaining during mass. Not in a disrespectful way but just naturally by having so many children. It seems it should be the one place where we shouldn’t get stares for having a large family. Unfortunately there are not a lot of young families at mass. I wonder if God is asking these missing families, “Do you love me?” I wonder if he is asking the families that are there, “Do you love me enough to share me with others?” What if we told people about the love Jesus has for them? If they really understood I don’t think they could stay away, even if they have a gaggle of children to tend to during mass.
I love the rosary almost as much as I love the mass. It gives me a peace that can only be from Jesus. However, I have always struggled with the mystery of the ascension. Why would Jesus leave? I’m sure the apostles struggled with this too. They must have felt abandoned, lonely, confused, and maybe even unloved. We heard this past Sunday from the gospel of John chapter 14 verse 28; “If you loved me you would rejoice that I am going to the Father; for the father is greater than I.” We are reminded in this to love Jesus. To rejoice in the fact that He is ascending to heaven. The very place He died to open for us. He has gone to be there with His father who is The Almighty. There is no question about His love for us. He even asks his father to send us an advocate, the Holy Spirit, so that we can be reminded of Jesus’ love for us and not use the fleeting feelings we as humans experience as an excuse to forget what He has taught us.
His love for us cannot be denied, it is our love for Him that falters. So as we prepare to celebrate Pentecost, the great gift of the Holy Spirit, in just a couple of weeks I will be praying;
“Come Holy Spirit fill me with your love so I can trust in You. So I can spread your love to others and encourage them boldly to love you back. So we are all strengthened by your love and have no choice but to live in it and share it.”
I Want it My Way
I can deny it but my humanity tends toward the motto; I want it my way. It’s not easy to do life God’s way. I fail at it multiple times everyday but I continue to start again with Him as my guide. As much as I want my way to be right, without knowing and following Him it can’t be.
We are in a culture where it is “right” to let everyone make up their own rules. Whatever makes them happy they believe is right and they believe they have the right to do it. As a parent, a friend, a Christian I don’t encourage people to do whatever makes them happy without first having the guidance of God. God desires their happiness, and so do I, but there are things that seem to make us happy and will actually bring us harm. We naturally tend to do what we believe will make us happy but without any guiding force that is all knowing we can’t even know what true happiness is.
I have to admit I am not a fan of the darkness of being unhappy. It is painful to suffer loss, hurt, illness or any other difficulties. Even just darkness itself is scary. Apparently my littlest one feels the same way. She will run excitedly down to her room but if the light is off she runs back with big eyes yelling “scary!”
She’s right. The dark is scary. You can’t see what is right in front of you. You can’t see if there is danger or wonderful surprises. The solution however is simple; turn on the light. She may be too short to reach the switch but there is always someone around willing to help her. I am thankful that everyone in her life at the moment wants to turn the light on and not mislead her into the darkness. The powers the be in our world seem to want us to walk in the darkness, to make our own happiness by way of enjoying all of the pleasures of life without consequence. There are consequences to doing things our own way. The most significant of which is that we will not find true happiness in the eternal life.
Christians have the solution to this worlds darkness. Just as we turn on the light in a dark room we need to turn to God who is light. The song “Turn to the Living God” comes to mind. It starts out with the title: “Turn, turn to the living God.” The song continues with, “The God of mercy and justice..” And then it finishes up the chorus with, “and with delight he will turn to you, with delight he will turn to you.”
If we turn to Him not only will He turn to us but with DELIGHT He will turn to us!
He shines so bright that when He turns to us He will light us up with His love no matter the darkness that resides in us or around us. With that light we can then see what will lead us to happiness, we can shine a path for others, we can turn darkness into light, and we can see that what we truly desire is to let Him lead the way.
My Cup Overflows
(Photo from google images)
Parenting is um, I can’t actually think of one single word that describes it. It is a spectrum of the purest joy to the most painful agony. You can quickly be humiliated and just as quickly swell with pride. You have little control and yet everything you do makes a difference in the well-being of your children’s lives. It holds very little status, especially when you have gone way past the perfect number of two children yet the benefits of multiple children far out weigh societies negative outlook on a large family. Daily there are positive character building events that take place in parenting.
I love my children second only to God and their father. Love is a funny thing though. I have this habit of loving them to the point of overflowing when they are being kind and treating each other respectfully or when I don’t actually have to directly deal with their messes, tantrums, complaining, whining ….
For example they were all out of the house and I quietly delivered clean folded laundry into each of their rooms. I paused a moment in each room and wrote a quick note specifically for that child. My heart actually spilled over with love for each of them as I did this. A smile crossed my lips and I remembered sweet moments I had shared with each of them.
Then the entry door busted open. They came piling in. Spreading like a spilling pool of water onto the kitchen floor. Along with them came the mud on their boots, coats and bags flying like a dust cloud. One had tears, one angrily snuck off down stairs, two were proclaiming their death because of starvation, and the oldest one was moaning about something not going his way. Oh, and the littlest one was still in the car because she had been forgotten. As I rushed out to retrieve her I thought, “Where did my swelling heart go?” My anxiety was rising and my heart was growing very irritated and I was now focusing on the mess and discontent that had entered my home along with my children.
Bedtime rolled around and they were all fed and somewhat quiet, and happy. I had the house straightened up again and I was feeling like my heart was swelling with love for my blessings. I paused and smiled. Was it that I made it through another day? Or was it that all seemed to be back in its place? Maybe partially but the truth is it just feels good to have some control in the chaos. This is where the problem lies. Love is not to be trusted when it’s just a feeling. If I only loved my children when my heart felt full I would quickly lose sight of the treasures that they are and only see the footprints and dirt they leave behind.
The key to mastering these chaotic parenting moments is that God is in control and He gave me these children to love and lead towards Him. When I feel the irritation and the loss of control I need to ask for God to give me His view of these needy, messy, beautiful, children and He will remind me that they along with everything they bring are blessings that fill my cup.
My love for God has a comparable tendency. When I have quiet time to pray I feel so in love with my faith. Yet when life is crazy or even catastrophic I have to remind myself to let God help me. Sometimes I almost forget He is there and begin to “fix” the situation my own way. But He is there even when my heart is pounding and my checks are flushing and my irritation or my stress is hitting record heights. He is there and ready to show me the blessings that surround me and fill my heart. He is there reminding me that He has given me many precious gifts that I should be thankful for and love even when it is hard to do.
Parenting is a beautiful, fragile, challenging, loving gift from God. So each day I will ask Him for His help to remind me that even if my cup is overflowing onto my clean kitchen floor it is because it is full of His blessings.
“…My cup overflows.“
-Psalm 23:5 New American Bible
Gratitude; Part of the Light of Christ
Until I had Jesus and the church in my life I lived in the shadows. I wasn’t willing to let my guard down and truly enjoy or grieve things. I always kept the thought in my mind that I would be let down so I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I didn’t have a true understanding of trust. I was putting my trust in myself and in other humans, this leads to disappointment. When I chose to put my trust in God I was shown that He will never disappoint. I was given the light of gratitude which produces joy, peace, and hope. I will still experience pain and suffering but I can see past that because of the joy He has blessed me with. The joy in knowing Him. The joy in His beautiful creation. The joy in the promise of eternal life with Him.
Before opening up to God I missed out on a lot of true joy. I didn’t allow Jesus to fully shine in me. I thought I was protecting myself from pain and suffering but I was guarding myself from His blessings. Experiencing pain without the joy of God holds no hope. That is what draws me to Christ. The light of hope that can’t be burned out. The peace and the joy He gives that can be shared over and over and never run out.
This wall around my heart robbed others of joy too. The hugs I held back. The smiles I froze before they crept across my face. The words of praise I swallowed. The excitement I kept inside. The tears I didn’t shed with another…
There are people I know who can’t hold back their joy. It radiates from them. They have so much pure joy and peace that even in horrendous situations their eyes still glow with a light that can only be Jesus shining from within them. He lights the world around them showing them all the good that exists and these joy-filled people are grateful. They are grateful for every good that they see because they do not drown in the darkness they seek out things to be grateful for.
I think that the light of Christ is flickering in me and I continue to fan it and fuel it in hopes that the rest of that wall will be burned away and I will be able to fully embrace and share His light with others. It is a gift that each of us can receive from Him and as it burns brighter inside of us it can be a light to others who are looking for peace, joy, and hope.
I have started a gratitude journal. It is amazing how it changes your outlook. It has become a concrete way of fanning the light of Christ inside me. Everyday it is a new challenge to find moments to be grateful for. To seek them out and thank God for them in prayer.
Here’s a little sample from my gratitude journal:
For new pink rubber boots and the little feet that went into them
For big sister who held hands with the little ones and splashed in spring puddles
For the smell of dinner
For a case of the giggles with my big kids
For the moment we both got up with the baby in the night
At times the things to be grateful for are so small they may be overlooked if they are not being sought intentionally. The things to put on the list can be difficult when anger, fear, or doubt are clouding the view and at the same time there is never so dark a day we can’t find something to be grateful for. Jesus gives thanks at the Last Supper. He knows what is coming; His betrayal by friends, His arrest, His torture, His crucifixion and yet He gives thanks. He shows us how to be grateful for all the good that God has blessed us with. He gives us light to shine in the shadows and encourages us to be grateful.
Denying Ourselves One Thing For Lent
Lent is a time for more prayer, extra fasting, and more focused alms giving. Translation for those who may not be catholic: for six weeks before Easter we prepare our hearts for Jesus by doing more prayers and/or bible studies. We do some self-denial and more fasting than other seasons of the year. We give to charity in a more thoughtful or prayerful way than the rest of the year. It is a beautiful season when Catholics and many other Christians together do these things to bring ourselves more in union with Christ.
There are so many ways to pray and study the Bible. There are also hundreds of good charities to donate time or money to. In this post I have only focused on sharing some of the self-denial, or what to give up for Lent, ideas I have had. This is in no way meant to make the prayer and alms giving traditions seem less important! Maybe those topics will be a post for another day.
There is something so satisfying in denying ourselves. It is meant to make us little, take away excess, and give us strength. It can help us open up to more from God when we give ourselves less. It’s really great to do this all year round but Lent is a special time to unite ourselves with Jesus and His suffering for us in the passion (His suffering and crucifixion).
Each year I spend quite some time deciding what one thing to give up for Lent. I make a list and have a hard time picking just one but I think that’s part of the challenge. It’s easy to give up or give in when you have too many things you’re trying to do. So I narrow it to just one. Sometimes it seems silly at first only to prove after six weeks it was actually very hard to do. Some years I have picked something I hope will become a habit after Lent. Other years I pick something that will make me appreciate what I have again after six weeks away from it.
Many of us give up chocolate and sweets for lent. When I do this I feel wonderful by the second week of Lent. By the end of Lent I feel better than ever. Then it is Easter and we celebrate with so many sweets and chocolates that I again am hooked and feel a bit gross and sugary again. Maybe I’ll try this again and hope I can make it stick. I do like to pick a sacrifice that I can continue after Lent. One that can become a new healthy and holy habit.
One year I decided to give up time everyday to pray the Rosary. Sound overwhelming? 15-20 minutes a day of quiet uninterrupted time to pray. All of us are busy and it can sound impossible to add another task in, but it worked. After that Lent I have rarely missed a day of the Rosary. It has become precious time with Jesus that I don’t want to go without.
Another Lent I decided I would not use plastic bags. I bought six heavy-duty cloth grocery bags and stuck to my guns. Even at the embarrassment of my children. At first it was hard to remember to bring my new bags into the store. So when I checked out and realized I had forgotten them I would ask the cashier to watch my stuff while I quick ran out the car to fetch my bags. If I just had a few items and forgot my bags in the car I would carry them out in my arms. Finally the kids started to remind me to take my bags in so they wouldn’t be mortified by their crazy mother again. This habit stuck as well and now 95 percent of the time I use my cloth bags.
Sometimes I have chosen things that I do not continue after Lent but they are things that have brought me closer to God because my gratitude and appreciation grows as the suffering brings me closer to God. Once I gave up socks. It was awful! Stinky, sweaty, cold feet for six weeks. Another time I gave up my pillow. This too was quite uncomfortable. There was a year I decided I was buying too much. I gave up buying extra items. So for six weeks I had to remind myself to only buy the necessities. These simple luxuries when taken away filled me with a longing for them. That is the point right? To create a longing that can translate into a longing for God.
There was one Lent when I was given a cross to bear that was so heavy I didn’t pick anything else to give up. My mom was put on hospice care and I devoted my time to her. There are years when our life circumstances demand almost more sacrifice than we can take but God gets us through when we allow Him to. So don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t come up with one thing to give up because your life is already sacrificial. In these times giving up a pillow or candy seems quite insignificant. However, every sacrifice great or small can be used by God!
This year my daughter and I decided to give up something together. We debated and finally we have agreed to not sit on chairs or couches. We will be sitting on the floor and standing for six weeks. I anticipate this is going to be harder than it seems. I am envisioning some strange looks in waiting rooms and a sore backside but it’s about a little suffering. I just have to look at the cross and realize my little suffering isn’t so bad.
I love Lent because in denying ourselves we can become holier people, closer to God, because by cleaning out the excess and/or comfort in our lives we make room for Jesus to dwell in us. And with our little sacrifices we become closer to the suffering of Christ which can unite us more strongly to His love.
Blessings to you this lent!!
If you are still looking for ideas of something to give up for lent here is a list of some concrete possibilities:
No Chairs or Couches
No sleeping past your alarm
No pillow
No socks
No chocolate
No plastic bags
No sugar
No blankets
No mattress
No silverware
No make-up
No snacks
No unnecessary purchases
No Radio
No TV
The options are endless….
(Photo from pixabay.com)
Change Your Outlook; From Anxiety and Depression to Peace, Joy, Meaning, and Hope!
Depression and anxiety are at an all time high. Maybe the reason lies in the impact of social media. Maybe it is the sapping of real personal contact with our neighbor. Maybe it is the mind numbing negative media we consume. Maybe it is a neuro-toxin in our, air, food, medications and/or water. Maybe it is something else all together. Whatever the reason people are suffering and are losing hope. People are sinking into despair and it isn’t necessary. As a culture we seem to think people only matter if they can meet the needs of another’s agenda. Another piece of the problem in our culture is the overwhelming message that we should look inward and satisfy ourselves no matter the cost. This childish outlook creates a narcissistic and selfish society. A society where depression and anxiety run rampant because alone we can not satisfy our need for love and acceptance. The good news is that God’s agenda includes the salvation of everyone who is willing to love Him. He can and wants to help us climb up out of our despair. He can give us a radical hope even in the most despairing of situations.
God created us to seek Him and praise Him by serving others, not by serving ourselves. We find true joy, peace, and meaning when we find the vocation He created us for. For some of us it is in our married and family life that we serve Him by loving our spouse and children. For some it is a job that we can serve Him by loving our neighbors whether they be students, patients, co-workers, or employees. Some people struggle to find their vocation because of fear or unbelief. I don’t think we can truly find peace and joy if we don’t search out and find what we were created for. When I fight against this theory and try to do what I feel like doing I tend to fail, become full of anxiety, and teeter at the brink of depression.
It is never too late to seek out your vocation; the plan God has in mind for you. This striving to find our vocation is a process that we can continue to work towards every day of our lives. Sure we will still have moments when we feel confused and are not sure what to do next but He will guide us, if we allow Him to. And He promises that there is always the hope of heaven when we follow Him. No matter what we struggle with we can hold onto that hope.
How do you find the vocation God has created you for? Pray, pray, and pray some more! Start one day at a time. Everyday sit quietly with the Lord and ask Him to guide you. He knows us better than we know ourselves. So if we continue to seek His plans for us nothing can steal the peace and joy of knowing that He had a plan for each of us even as He was carefully putting us together in our mothers wombs.
(Photo from Pixabay, Bible Verse from New American Bible 1977)
Ultimate Destination Heaven 