Posted on by Charly

Eve asked Adam, “Do you love me?”

“Who else?” He replied

The priest we have when we go to the cabin always has a funny story or joke. This weekend was no different. Our large family took up an entire pew at this little church and we tried hard not to be a spectacle, but completely failed. It seems it is inevitable that we get stares and do some entertaining during mass. Not in a disrespectful way but just naturally by having so many children. It seems it should be the one place where we shouldn’t get stares for having a large family. Unfortunately there are not a lot of young families at mass. I wonder if God is asking these missing families, “Do you love me?” I wonder if he is asking the families that are there, “Do you love me enough to share me with others?”  What if we told people about the love Jesus has for them?  If they really understood I don’t think they could stay away, even if they have a gaggle of children to tend to during mass.

I love the rosary almost as much as I love the mass. It gives me a peace that can only be from Jesus. However, I have always struggled with the mystery of the ascension. Why would Jesus leave? I’m sure the apostles struggled with this too.  They must have felt abandoned, lonely, confused, and maybe even unloved. We heard this past Sunday from the gospel of John chapter 14 verse 28; “If you loved me you would rejoice that I am going to the Father; for the father is greater than I.” We are reminded in this to love Jesus. To rejoice in the fact that He is ascending to heaven. The very place He died to open for us. He has gone to be there with His father who is The Almighty. There is no question about His love for us. He even asks his father to send us an advocate, the Holy Spirit, so that we can be reminded of Jesus’ love for us and not use the fleeting feelings we as humans experience as an excuse to forget what He has taught us.

His love for us cannot be denied, it is our love for Him that falters. So as we prepare to celebrate Pentecost, the great gift of the Holy Spirit,  in just a couple of weeks I will be praying;

“Come Holy Spirit fill me with your love so I can trust in You.  So I can spread your love to others and encourage them boldly to love you back.  So we are all strengthened by your love and have no choice but to live in it and share it.”

 

Posted on by Charly

I Want it My Way

light switch

I can deny it but my humanity tends toward the motto; I want it my way.  It’s not easy to do life God’s way. I fail at it multiple times everyday but I continue to start again with Him as my guide. As much as I want my way to be right, without knowing and following Him it can’t be.

We are in a culture where it is “right” to let everyone make up their own rules. Whatever makes them happy they believe is right and they believe they have the right to do it.  As a parent, a friend, a Christian I don’t encourage people to do whatever makes them happy without first having the guidance of God.  God desires their happiness, and so do I,  but there are things that seem to make us happy and will actually bring us harm. We naturally tend to do what we believe will make us happy but without any guiding force that is all knowing we can’t even know what true happiness is.

I have to admit I am not a fan of the darkness of  being unhappy.  It is painful to suffer loss, hurt, illness or any other difficulties. Even just darkness itself is scary. Apparently my littlest one feels the same way. She will run excitedly down to her room but if the light is off she runs back with big eyes yelling “scary!”

She’s right. The dark is scary. You can’t see what is right in front of you. You can’t see if there is danger or wonderful surprises. The solution however is simple; turn on the light.  She may be too short to reach the switch but there is always someone around willing to help her.  I am thankful that everyone in her life at the moment wants to turn the light on and not mislead her into the darkness.  The powers the be in our world seem to want us to walk in the darkness, to make our own happiness by way of enjoying all of the pleasures of life without consequence.  There are consequences to doing things our own way.  The most significant of which is that we will not find true happiness in the eternal life.

Christians have the solution to this worlds darkness. Just as we turn on the light in a dark room we need to turn to God who is light.  The song “Turn to the Living God” comes to mind. It starts out with the title: “Turn, turn to the living God.”  The song continues with, “The God of mercy and justice..” And then it finishes up the chorus with, “and with delight he will turn to you, with delight he will turn to you.”

If we turn to Him not only will He turn to us but with DELIGHT He will turn to us!

He shines so bright that when He turns to us He will light us up with His love no matter the darkness that resides in us or around us. With that light we can then see what will lead us to happiness, we can shine a path for others, we can turn darkness into light, and we can see that what we truly desire is to let Him lead the way.

Posted on by Charly

My Cup Overflows

(Photo from google images)

Parenting is um, I can’t actually think of one single word that describes it.  It is a spectrum of the purest joy to the most painful agony. You can quickly be humiliated and just as quickly swell with pride. You have little control and yet everything you do makes a difference in the well-being of your children’s lives. It holds very little status, especially when you have gone way past the perfect number of two children yet the benefits of multiple children far out weigh societies negative outlook on a large family.  Daily  there are positive character building events that take place in parenting.

I love my children second only to God and their father.  Love is a funny thing though. I have this habit of loving them to the point of overflowing when they are being kind and treating each other respectfully or when I don’t actually have to directly deal with their messes, tantrums, complaining, whining ….

For example they were all out of the house and I quietly delivered clean folded laundry into each of their rooms. I paused a moment in each room and wrote a quick note specifically for that child.  My heart actually spilled over with love for each of them as I did this.  A smile crossed my lips and I remembered sweet moments I had shared with each of them.

Then the entry door busted open.  They came piling in.  Spreading like a spilling pool of water onto the kitchen floor.   Along with them came the mud on their boots, coats and bags flying like a dust cloud. One had tears, one angrily snuck off down stairs, two were proclaiming their death because of starvation, and the oldest one was moaning about something not going his way. Oh, and the littlest one was still in the car because she had been forgotten. As I rushed out to retrieve her I thought, “Where did my swelling heart go?” My anxiety was rising and my heart was growing very irritated and I was now focusing on the mess and discontent that had entered my home along with my children.

Bedtime rolled around and they were all fed and somewhat quiet, and happy. I had the house straightened up again and I was feeling like my heart was swelling with love for my blessings. I paused and smiled. Was it that I made it through another day? Or was it that all seemed to be back in its place? Maybe partially but the truth is it just feels good to have some control in the chaos. This is where the problem lies.  Love is not to be trusted when it’s just a feeling. If I only loved my children when my heart felt full I would quickly lose sight of the treasures that they are and only see the footprints and dirt they leave behind.

The key to mastering these chaotic parenting moments is that God is in control and He gave me these children to love and lead towards Him. When I feel the irritation and the loss of control I need to ask for God to give me His view of these needy, messy, beautiful, children and He will remind me that they along with everything they bring are blessings that fill my cup.

My love for God has a comparable tendency. When I have quiet time to pray I feel so in love with my faith. Yet when life is crazy or even catastrophic I have to remind myself to let God help me.  Sometimes I almost forget He is there and begin to “fix” the situation my own way. But He is there even when my heart is pounding and my checks are flushing and my irritation or my stress is hitting record heights. He is there and ready to show me the blessings that surround me and fill my heart.  He is there reminding me that He has given me many precious gifts that I should be thankful for and love even when it is hard to do.

Parenting is a beautiful, fragile, challenging, loving gift from God.  So each day I will ask Him for His help to remind me that even if my cup is overflowing onto my clean kitchen floor it is because it is full of His blessings.

“…My cup overflows.“

-Psalm 23:5 New American Bible

Posted on by Charly

Gratitude; Part of the Light of Christ

5e9d4a6a-ad99-417f-87c0-347f0bcfb147

Until I had Jesus and the church in my life I lived in the shadows. I wasn’t willing to let my guard down and truly enjoy or grieve things. I always kept the thought in my mind that I would be let down so I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I didn’t have a true understanding of trust. I was putting my trust in myself and in other humans, this leads to disappointment.  When I chose to put my trust in God I was shown that He will never disappoint.  I was given the light of gratitude which produces joy, peace, and hope.  I will still experience pain and suffering but I can see past that because of the joy He has blessed me with.   The joy in knowing Him.  The joy in His beautiful creation.  The joy in the promise of eternal life with Him.

Before opening up to God I missed out on a lot of true joy. I didn’t allow Jesus to fully shine in me. I thought I was protecting myself from pain and suffering but I was guarding myself from His blessings.  Experiencing pain without the joy of God holds no hope.  That is what draws me to Christ. The light of hope that can’t be burned out. The peace and the joy He gives that can be shared over and over and never run out.

This  wall around my heart robbed others of joy too. The hugs I held back. The smiles I froze before they crept across my face. The words of praise I swallowed.  The excitement I kept inside. The tears I didn’t shed with another…

There are people I know who can’t hold back their joy. It radiates from them.  They have so much pure joy and peace that even in horrendous situations their eyes still glow with a light that can only be Jesus shining from within them.  He lights the world around them showing them all the good that exists and these joy-filled people are grateful.  They are grateful for every good that they see because they do not drown in the darkness they seek out things to be grateful for.

I think that the light of Christ is flickering in me and I continue to fan it and fuel it in hopes that the rest of that wall will be burned away and I will be able to fully embrace and share His light with others.  It is a gift that each of us can receive from Him and as it burns brighter inside of us it can be a light to others who are looking for peace, joy, and hope.

I have started a gratitude journal. It is amazing how it changes your outlook.  It has become a concrete way of fanning the light of Christ inside me.  Everyday it is a new challenge to find moments to be grateful for.  To seek them out and thank God for them in  prayer.

Here’s a little sample from my gratitude journal:

For new pink rubber boots and the little feet that went into them

For big sister who held hands with the little ones and splashed in spring puddles

For the smell of dinner

For a case of the giggles with my big kids

For the moment we both got up with the baby in the night

 At times the things to be grateful for are so small they may be overlooked if they are not being sought intentionally.  The things to put on the list can be difficult when anger, fear, or doubt are clouding the view and at the same time there is never so dark a day we can’t find something to be grateful for.  Jesus gives thanks at the Last Supper.  He knows what is coming; His betrayal by friends, His arrest, His torture, His crucifixion and yet He gives thanks.  He shows us how to be grateful for all the good that God has blessed us with.  He gives us light to shine in the shadows and encourages us to be grateful.

 

Posted on by Charly

Questions to Ask Your Mother Before It’s too Late

Ask, Sign, Design, Creative, Information

Image by Dean Moriarty from Pixabay

My mom passed away and although I spent a lot of time with her and have no regrets about that I think of her daily and have so many questions that I never thought to ask her when she was still here on earth.  I was asked by a friend whose mother is still living to make a list of questions everyone should ask their mother before they don’t have the chance.  So here are my top 10 that I wish I would’ve asked:

  1. What are some stories about your childhood?
  2. What are the names of all the relatives that you know?
  3. What is our heritage/ancestry?
  4. What was it like to raise me?
  5. When and where did you meet my dad?
  6. How did you play it so cool when I started dating?
  7. What did you most want to accomplish in life?
  8. What would you do differently in your life?
  9. What would you like to see me do with my life?
  10. Can we take a selfie together?

The truth is I can’t make a perfect list.  Everyday a new situation arises that brings new questions or stories I want to talk with her about.  I really just desire to sit with her, to hear her voice, to feel her touch, and to see her smile.   Yet another reason I live my life with the goal of heaven, so I can one day be reunited with her.  So whether she is sick or healthy spend time with your mother.  The more time you spend with her the better you will be able stil “hear” her voice when she is gone. 

Posted on by Charly

Denying Ourselves One Thing For Lent

Lent is a time for more prayer, extra fasting, and more focused alms giving. Translation for those who may not be catholic: for six weeks before Easter we prepare our hearts for Jesus by doing more prayers and/or bible studies. We do some self-denial and more fasting than other seasons of the year. We give to charity in a more thoughtful or prayerful way than the rest of the year. It is a beautiful season when Catholics and many other Christians together do these things to bring ourselves more in union with Christ.

There are so many ways to pray and study the Bible. There are also hundreds of good charities to donate time or money to. In this post I have only focused on sharing some of the self-denial, or what to give up for Lent, ideas I have had. This is in no way meant to make the prayer and alms giving traditions seem less important! Maybe those topics will be a post for another day.

There is something so satisfying in denying ourselves. It is meant to make us little, take away excess, and give us strength. It can help us open up to more from God when we give ourselves less. It’s really great to do this all year round but Lent is a special time to unite ourselves with Jesus and His suffering for us in the passion (His suffering and crucifixion).

Each year I spend quite some time deciding what one thing to give up for Lent. I make a list and have a hard time picking just one but I think that’s part of the challenge. It’s easy to give up or give in when you have too many things you’re trying to do. So I narrow it to just one. Sometimes it seems silly at first only to prove after six weeks it was actually very hard to do. Some years I have picked something I hope will become a habit after Lent. Other years I pick something that will make me appreciate what I have again after six weeks away from it.

Many of us give up chocolate and sweets for lent. When I do this I feel wonderful by the second week of Lent. By the end of Lent I feel better than ever. Then it is Easter and we celebrate with so many sweets and chocolates that I again am hooked and feel a bit gross and sugary again. Maybe I’ll try this again and hope I can make it stick. I do like to pick a sacrifice that I can continue after Lent. One that can become a new healthy and holy habit.

One year I decided to give up time everyday to pray the Rosary. Sound overwhelming? 15-20 minutes a day of quiet uninterrupted time to pray. All of us are busy and it can sound impossible to add another task in, but it worked. After that Lent I have rarely missed a day of the Rosary. It has become precious time with Jesus that I don’t want to go without.

Another Lent I decided I would not use plastic bags. I bought six heavy-duty cloth grocery bags and stuck to my guns. Even at the embarrassment of my children. At first it was hard to remember to bring my new bags into the store. So when I checked out and realized I had forgotten them I would ask the cashier to watch my stuff while I quick ran out the car to fetch my bags. If I just had a few items and forgot my bags in the car I would carry them out in my arms. Finally the kids started to remind me to take my bags in so they wouldn’t be mortified by their crazy mother again. This habit stuck as well and now 95 percent of the time I use my cloth bags.

Sometimes I have chosen things that I do not continue after Lent but they are things that have brought me closer to God because my gratitude and appreciation grows as the suffering brings me closer to God. Once I gave up socks. It was awful! Stinky, sweaty, cold feet for six weeks. Another time I gave up my pillow. This too was quite uncomfortable. There was a year I decided I was buying too much. I gave up buying extra items. So for six weeks I had to remind myself to only buy the necessities. These simple luxuries when taken away filled me with a longing for them. That is the point right? To create a longing that can translate into a longing for God.

There was one Lent when I was given a cross to bear that was so heavy I didn’t pick anything else to give up. My mom was put on hospice care and I devoted my time to her. There are years when our life circumstances demand almost more sacrifice than we can take but God gets us through when we allow Him to. So don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t come up with one thing to give up because your life is already sacrificial. In these times giving up a pillow or candy seems quite insignificant. However, every sacrifice great or small can be used by God!

This year my daughter and I decided to give up something together. We debated and finally we have agreed to not sit on chairs or couches. We will be sitting on the floor and standing for six weeks. I anticipate this is going to be harder than it seems. I am envisioning some strange looks in waiting rooms and a sore backside but it’s about a little suffering. I just have to look at the cross and realize my little suffering isn’t so bad.

I love Lent because in denying ourselves we can become holier people, closer to God, because by cleaning out the excess and/or comfort in our lives we make room for Jesus to dwell in us. And with our little sacrifices we become closer to the suffering of Christ which can unite us more strongly to His love.

Blessings to you this lent!!

If you are still looking for ideas of something to give up for lent here is a list of some concrete possibilities:

No Chairs or Couches

No sleeping past your alarm

No pillow

No socks

No chocolate

No plastic bags

No sugar

No blankets

No mattress

No silverware

No make-up

No snacks

No unnecessary purchases

No Radio

No TV

The options are endless….

(Photo from pixabay.com)

Posted on by Charly · 1 Comment

Love Your Enemies

Love: to will the good of others. It is easy to love those who love us, who are kind to us, who help us, or do things for us. We aren’t asked to do only what is easy though we are told to love our enemies.

Who are our enemies?

People who are out to physically harm us? Yes. However loving them doesn’t mean allowing them to hurt us. It means wanting justice for them. Loving them means wanting them to be healed of their cruelty and set free from it. We are to move past our anger and desire what is best for that person. This is not to say we need to continue a relationship with them. We do need to look out for our safety and protect ourselves from harm.

For the average person the “enemy” might be people in our lives that irritate us. We are called not to just be kind but to love them. They maybe people we have to interact with on a daily basis; co-workers, neighbors, family members. They may make our blood boil and our emotions erupt with anger but we are called to love them. Actually it doesn’t end there. The passage goes on to say “… and do good for them.”

So not only do we have to want good for them we are told to do good for them. It is easy to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless when you don’t know them. What if I knew their political views and their sins before I scooped a warm heap of hot dish onto their plate? What if I knew how they treated their children before I handed over handmade blankets to their shivering bodies? It clearly doesn’t matter we are called to love and act.

It seems to me this is what the command love your enemies is getting at, there are no if, ands, or buts. God calls us to: “Love your enemies and do good for them.” Luke 6:35

Photo from pixabay.com Bible verse from New American Bible Standard Edition 1970

Posted on by Charly

Change Your Outlook; From Anxiety and Depression to Peace, Joy, Meaning, and Hope!

 

57b04d17-e7c1-4376-987c-8e43e939ca1dDepression and anxiety are at an all time high.  Maybe the reason lies in the impact of social media.  Maybe it is the sapping of real personal contact with our neighbor.  Maybe it is the mind numbing negative media we consume.  Maybe it is a neuro-toxin in our, air, food, medications and/or water.  Maybe it is something else all together.  Whatever the reason people are suffering and are losing hope.  People are sinking into despair and it isn’t necessary.  As a culture we seem to think people only matter if they can meet the needs of another’s agenda. Another piece of the problem in our culture is the overwhelming message that we should look inward and satisfy ourselves no matter the cost.  This childish outlook creates a narcissistic and selfish society.  A society where depression and anxiety run rampant because alone we can not satisfy our need for love and acceptance.  The good news is that God’s agenda includes the salvation of everyone who is willing to love Him.  He can and wants to help us climb up out of our despair.  He can give us a radical hope even in the most despairing of situations.

God created us to seek Him and praise Him by serving others, not by serving ourselves.  We find true joy, peace, and meaning when we find the vocation He created us for.  For some of us it is in our married and family life that we serve Him by loving our spouse and children.  For some it is a job that we can serve Him by loving our neighbors whether they be students, patients, co-workers, or employees.  Some people struggle to find their vocation because of fear or unbelief.  I don’t think we can truly find peace and joy if we don’t search out and find what we were created for.  When I fight against this theory and try to do what I feel like doing I tend to fail, become full of anxiety, and teeter at the brink of depression.

It is never too late to seek out your vocation; the plan God has in mind for you.  This striving to find our vocation is a process that we can continue to work towards every day of our lives.  Sure we will still have moments when we feel confused and are not sure what to do next but He will guide us, if we allow Him to.  And He promises that there is always the hope of heaven when we follow Him.  No matter what we struggle with we can hold onto that hope.

How do you find the vocation God has created you for?  Pray, pray, and pray some more! Start one day at a time.  Everyday sit quietly with the Lord and ask Him to guide you.  He knows us better than we know ourselves.  So if we continue to seek His plans for us nothing can steal the peace and joy of knowing that He had a plan for each of us even as He was carefully putting us together in our mothers wombs.

 

(Photo from Pixabay, Bible Verse from New American Bible 1977)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on by Charly

What Kind of World Do We Live In?

(Photo: pixbay.com)

It seems a world where peaceful children can be brutally harassed by adults. A world where men can lose their job and their character is slandered based on accusation. A world where adults think it’s loving to allow children to do whatever makes them happy. A world where we are afraid to send our children outside to play but not afraid to let them play murderous games on their gaming systems for hours on end. A world where parents are afraid to disappoint their children. A world where suffering is seen as a problem to be avoided at all costs. A world where a woman can choose to kill her baby merely because she doesn’t want it. A world where people stare at their screens instead of each other. A world where the Son of God has been crucified. A world where the devil takes claim.

Does this sound despairing? It does. I have had a case of the winter doldrums the past few days trying not to despair.  Reminding myself that we can never lose hope because we know what lies ahead and we know who is truly in charge. God our loving father. He sends us angels to guide and protect us. He gives us the promise of eternal life. He fills us with a love like no human can.

I have been praying for Him to show me some good in the world outside of my family.  It has not been a dramatic enlightenment for me.  I have had to really search for it but I found it in a few places.  He sent me a smiling face in the store the other day. A kind woman who smiled at me and my little one.  She even took time to chat about how beautiful little children are.  My niece sent me a snap on Monday that she was given an assignment to write about someone she looked up to. She told me she wrote about me. Of all the people in her life she wrote about me, what an honor! A little boy at play group came running up to me smiling and giggling. There have been those gorgeous January sun rises this week. I listen to Relevant Radio and am filled with people who have hope and bring truth to some of the insanity happening in our world. Most importantly I must remember that He gave us His only Son as well as the resurrection and the Holy Spirit.

In this world that seems to be spinning faster and faster out of control do not lose hope, there is beauty! Pray and look for it. Surround yourself with it. Share it with others. Thank God for it!

“… Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”  Nehemiah 8:10 NAB

Posted on by Charly

God Guides Us

bible

My husband and I are always looking for ways to get our kids to learn about their faith, read the bible, and to pray.  They all seem to have a decent start.  The little ones love to hear bible stories and talk about Jesus and pray for their friends. The older ones enjoy our nightly prayers and hearing bible stories too but they are at the age where they really need to make it their own.  They have to want it.  We struggle or at least I do wondering if I’m doing enough or maybe pushing too hard.

I have bought them copies of the YouCat (Youth Catechism), they each have a bible and there are many children’s versions all throughout our house, I send them colorful notes with scripture written on them, I even write scripture quotes on the bathroom mirror some days.  We pray together daily, we read them bible stories,  and we attend mass every Sunday.  We are doing our doing our best to raise holy children but they are in a world that doesn’t always support their faith so daily we have to find the energy to fight for their souls. It can be exhausting. Sometimes we put so much of this pressure on ourselves we forget that God can not only help us but that He is in charge.  God wants to help us get our children to heaven one day.

Getting overwhelmed with parenting six children happens here.  I bring it to prayer often.  During my prayer time last week I was reading the book of Tobit.  It is a great story full of adventure!  When I came to chapter 4 I paused and read it again.  It is titled “A Father’s Instruction”  because it is Tobit’s instruction for his son Tobiah.  As with much of the bible it is also instruction for the reader from our heavenly Father.  I thought it would be a great read for my older kids. I tucked it away in my mind and moved on with the days activities.

That night after bedtime prayers I mentioned to my older kids to read chapter 4 of Tobit because it was very much something we would want them to follow.  I know at this moment many of you who are parents of teenagers are thinking something like, “your kids must be saints to actually go read the bible.”  Trust me they are regular kids who do not always make the best decisions but this time they were left with just enough interest and a reason they didn’t have to go to bed immediately that they all went and read it.  I did have to give some explanation; No we do not have money hidden in another town or country,  No your father and I are not praying for death, and No you don’t need to marry someone in our family.  However we could take that last one to mean it is best to marry someone with like values and religion as you.  After those short caveats the chapter really made sense to them and is filled with Godly advice for their lives.  I am so in awe of the Bible and how we can relate it to our lives today.  What a gift to let me see it that way but also for my children to see it as relevant to their lives.

I love it when God is so clearly working in our parenting! It is a difficult job and we need Him as our guide. When we look we find Him helping us at every twist and turn.  If it was just my husband and I doing this gig alone we would surely falter more than we already do.  Thank God for all the gifts little and big that He sets before us, may we always see them clearly!

Here is Chapter 4 of Tobit from The New American Bible from http://www.USCCB.org:

A Father’s Instruction.1That same day Tobit remembered the money he had deposited in trust with Gabael at Rages in Media.2He thought to himself, “Now that I have asked for death, why should I not call my son Tobiah and let him know about this money before I die?”3So he called his son Tobiah; and when he came, he said to him:* “Son, when I die, give me a decent burial. Honor your mother, and do not abandon her as long as she lives. Do whatever pleases her, and do not grieve her spirit in any way.a4Remember, son, how she went through many dangers for you while you were in her womb. When she dies, bury her in the same grave with me.

5“Through all your days, son, keep the Lord in mind, and do not seek to sin or to transgress the commandments. Perform righteous deeds all the days of your life, and do not tread the paths of wickedness.6b For those who act with fidelity, all who practice righteousness, will prosper in their affairs.*

7“Give alms from your possessions. Do not turn your face away from any of the poor, so that God’s face will not be turned away from you.c8Give in proportion to what you own. If you have great wealth, give alms out of your abundance; if you have but little, do not be afraid to give alms even of that little.9You will be storing up a goodly treasure for yourself against the day of adversity.d10For almsgiving delivers from death and keeps one from entering into Darkness.11Almsgiving is a worthy offering in the sight of the Most High for all who practice it.e

12“Be on your guard, son, against every kind of fornication, and above all, marry a woman of your own ancestral family. Do not marry a foreign woman, one who is not of your father’s tribe, because we are descendants of the prophets, who were the first to speak the truth. Noah prophesied first, then Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, our ancestors from the beginning of time. Son, remember that all of them took wives from among their own kindred and were blessed in their children, and that their posterity would inherit the land.f13Therefore, son, love your kindred. Do not act arrogantly toward any of them, the sons and daughters of your people, by refusing to take a wife for yourself from among them. For in arrogance there is ruin and great instability. In idleness there is loss and dire poverty, for idleness is the mother of famine.

14“Do not keep with you overnight the wages of those who have worked for you, but pay them at once. If you serve God thus, you will receive your reward. Be on your guard, son, in everything you do; be wise in all that you say and discipline yourself in all your conduct.g15Do to no one what you yourself hate. Do not drink wine till you become drunk or let drunkenness accompany you on your way.h

16i “Give to the hungry some of your food, and to the naked some of your clothing. Whatever you have left over, give away as alms; and do not let your eye begrudge the alms that you give.17j Pour out your wine and your bread on the grave of the righteous, but do not share them with sinners.*

18“Seek counsel from every wise person, and do not think lightly of any useful advice.19k At all times bless the Lord, your God, and ask him that all your paths may be straight and all your endeavors and plans may prosper. For no other nation possesses good counsel, but it is the Lord who gives all good things. Whomever the Lord chooses to raise is raised; and whomever the Lord chooses to cast down is cast down to the recesses of Hades. So now, son, keep in mind these my commandments, and never let them be erased from your heart.

20“Now, I must tell you, son, that I have deposited in trust ten talents of silver with Gabael, the son of Gabri, at Rages in Media.21Do not fear, son, that we have lived in poverty. You will have great wealth, if you fear God, avoid all sin, and do what is good before the Lord your God.”l

* [4:3–19] A collection of maxims that parallel those in the wisdom literature, especially Proverbs and Sirach (see Introduction): duties toward parents (vv. 3–4; cf. also 14:13); perseverance in virtue and avoidance of evil (vv. 5–6, 14b); necessity and value of almsgiving and charity (vv. 7–11, 16–17); marriage within the clan (vv. 12–13a); industry (v. 13b); prompt payment of wages (v. 14a); the golden rule (v. 15a); temperance (v. 15b); docility (v. 18); prayer (v. 19).

* [4:6] It was commonly thought in the Old Testament that virtue guaranteed earthly prosperity, and sin earthly disaster (Prv 10:2; cf. Dt 28).

* [4:17] Tobit counsels his son to give alms in honor of the dead or, more probably, to give the “bread of consolation” to the family of the deceased. Cf. Jer 16:7; Ez 24:17.